When you gotta' go, you gotta' go!

I am not against or even ashamed to admit that I pee in public. That's right people, I can own it! If you are going to be or do something, just own it. That, I can respect. I have no issues admitting out loud that I can be catty and sometimes I’m a real witch with a capital 'B'! Not only do I own it, I'm proud of it! So that being said, I am not ashamed to admit that when the occasion arises and there is no other option; I have been known to duck behind a dumpster, pull up a bush or hide behind a car tire to relive myself. No, I am not always drunk! Hey - When you gotta’ go - You gotta’ go!

Yesterday the girls and I went out to run a quick errand and grab some lunch before nap time. Grace has been saving her pennies and our quarters, dollars and any other money found lying around in a jar on the counter for her cat, Handsome Hal. So to Safeway we went to hit the coinstar machine. I know, it pained me too to give up 8¢ on the dollar but she LOVES that machine. Then to PetSmart to get Hal a shiny new collar, an ID tag and a scratching post.

At PetSmart Lily picked the scratching post. It's actually a corrugated cardboard box that has yellow yarn tassels on it and doesn't look like it would last more than a month, but Lily liked it, picked it and it's their cat! Now, off to see the collars. I had intended on picking a few then giving Grace the choice from what I had paired down, but – well - the best laid plans, right? So Grace had to be held up to peruse the entire selection of collars, harnesses and leashes.

     -Okay, it's her cat, that's fine.

First one is black with a reflective silver stripe down the middle.

     -That sounds good!

I don't want him outside period, let alone at night, but this is a safety precaution for just in case, so why not a night time safety collar?

     -Nope!

Then, a green and yellow argyle collar.

     -Sure, I like argyle; I have a preppy side - that could be cool collar.

On to the next one.... How about powder blue with sparkles?

     -Seriously? I don't think Handsome Hal, despite his name, can pull off, or wants to, the Liberace look.

Whew! Now she has a solid hunter green one in one hand and a royal blue in the other.

     -Good! He's a boy cat; a blue or green collar would be perfect, simple, rugged, manly.

Both collars hit the floor, she's found the one! It's HOT PINK with RHINDSTONES!

     -Oh poor Hal, he's gonna’ be that cat in the movies that has a little girl owner who puts him in pointy princess hats and tulle and lipstick and makes him sit at her stuffed animal tea parties and all the while he is plotting a horrible revenge.... I cannot let this happen! What do I do? It's her cat??? I said “Whatever you want”!!!???

Before I utter a word and while still debating in my head what to do she grabs a bright red collar and says this one!
   
 -DONE! I say “It's perfect” and whisk the kids away from the collars to the check out and ID Tag machine.

Best-Laid-Plans... The ID Tag machine is out of the only ID Tag I wanted for our Handsome Hal. The small brass circle tag is sold out. His options are a blue bone - He's not a dog - or a small pink heart. That is, unless he wants to lug around a large brass ID Tag that looks big enough for a Great Dane. So- poor Handsome Hal in his new red collar is displaying against his snow white chest a small-pink-heart with his name and phone number. I couldn’t bring myself to have “Handsome Hal” engraved on it, so it simply reads: HAL and our phone number. He'll survive! He's secure in his manhood, even if he is neutered...

All finished with our errand, the girls deserve a treat and we head over to McDonalds. When we get there I realize that Grace did not use the potty before we left the house - I forgot - and we were in PetSmart for longer than I had anticipated so I ask, "Grace - Do you need to use the potty?" planning to go inside so she can versus going to the drive thru. She of course responds. "No Thank You - I'm okay." and like an idiot I go to the drive thru.

-Shelbi Elizabeth! You know better! You do not ask a two year old a 'Yes' or 'No" question. Of course she is going to say 'No'!

We get the girls' lunch hit the road and as I am passing a chicken nugget back to the girls I see in the rearview mirror a pained look on Grace's face. Mind you, we are now on a parkway, not in the parking lot and about 5 minutes from the house and equally as far from McDonalds or any other public restroom if I turn around.

-Grace, are you okay?

No, Mommy. I really, really have to go to the bathroom!!

-Can you hold it a few minutes until we get home?

[Very pained look] I think so... I don't know....Ahhhhhhhh!

-Okay, honey hold on.

What to do? What to do? We're kind of on a highway. There are traffic lights and it's not really a highway, but pulling over right here is not really an option. At the next traffic light there is a right hand turn, down a wash to a small neighborhood off in the desert. That's gonna' have to be it!

So I pull off the main road and drive through this one street neighborhood, essentially a rural road with a few houses on it and find a turnaround in the desert. Stop the car, hop out, grab Grace and tell her to go potty.

She starts singing.... "I'm going tinkle in the desert! I'm going tinkle in the desert!" And man did she ever have to go!

I'm looking around for anyone who might be calling the police.... She's happy as a lark relieving herself in the desert and I am laughing to myself about how it starts...

On a long car ride, no exit in sight; pull over and dash in to the woods...
In the backyard swimming all wet and covered in grass; “You're not traipsing through my house like that!’’...
Hiking...
Camping....
At a concert...
leaving a bar...

I know from experience that, when you gotta' go - You gotta' go... It's a slippery slope once you start -Just make sure you are standing up hill, the wind is at your back, and you know what poison ivy looks like...