"I'm fine"

Years ago I sent my mother a card - I was a flight attendant at the time, living in Houston, the card was just a note to say "hi" and tell her what I was up to. The front of the card was a picture of water with someones arms sticking up out of the ripples as if they were drowning. When you opened the card up the caption read 'I'm fine'. I thought it was hysterical -Clearly they were not fine and to boot "I'm fine" was a running joke between my mother and I. At the age of 13, despite the intense pain from an about to rupture appendix - I told one of my mother's friends, a nurse who came to check on me, at home, alone, sick "Oh, no...Don't worry about me, I'm fine." I said in agony.

That card has been the very definition of my life for years. I railed against taking my Ritalin in the 6th grade when I was finally diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), despite the fact that it made life a bit more manageable. I started to really hate the fact that I had to take this med while in high school -Although school, work, cheer leading, skiing, soccer, caring for my brothers, life, etc.. would have been impossible with out it. Finally in college, all grown up (yeah right) and knowing full well what was best for me (not) I stopped taking my Ritalin all together. And for years, regardless of all the signs that said - life would be better, easier, happier, more manageable, productive, fun, - if I would just sit down with my doctor and figure out what medication would be best for me -- I wouldn't. I don't even like to take aspirin, I hate the jittery, not in control feeling I got when I took my Ritalin...

A husband, two kids and a lot of years later I finally decided it wouldn't hurt to just go and ask the question. Could life be easier? My MD, a new Doctor who does not know me very well, took the approach that he did not want to write a prescription for someone who has not been on ADD medication in 13 years. Drug seeker? I could be I suppose... Drug dealer? I suppose it's not impossible.. But I just wanted help. So I took the referral for the psychiatrist and accepted the fact that I might have to start all over from square one. I was not looking forward to all the testing and talking and blah blah blah that might be necessary to be re-diagnosed with ADD but I was willing to try. Willing to try is something I have not been in a long time, hell with regards to my ADD, maybe never.

Last Tuesday, with children in tow, I packed us up, got in the car and headed off to the psychiatrists office. Both dreading how to sit and talk to a doctor while the girls squirmed and interrupted and asked to leave, go potty, eat, drink, etc... And hopeful that they would do all of the above and the distraction would further my cause. Grace sat like a dream and watched Toy Story 2 on her portable DVD player. Lily, Dr. Morgan, a mother of 20 and 21 year old daughters, who are 16 months apart knows exactly what my life is like. As she was telling me this I was wondering if her first hand knowledge of my life would work in my favor or against me. It would not be unusual for a mother of 2 children so young and so close in age to have difficulty starting and completing a task. After about 45 minutes of questions and discussion and a few tests and working through why I stopped managing my ADD so many years ago - I got the help I was hoping for. Not the medication I was hoping for, but it's a start.

I have been taking Concerta for a week now and there is a marked difference. It's not been a miracle -- I believe the dosage is still too low and the side effects are a bit of a bummer. But last Wednesday I took my pill, got distracted with something the girls needed, or were doing, couldn't remember if I had taken my med and took it again. That was probably the best day I had this whole week with regards to follow through and ability to keep some semblance of order.

It's empowering to know that things could be different if I really wanted them to. It feels a bit more manageable leaving the house this week. I am more confident that I probably do have everything we need -- And I have most certainly made fewer trips between car and house in my attempt to go... anywhere. This house is still in disarray but the laundry is done, washed, dried, folded and put away. That alone is quite a feat for me! Pretty sad, huh?

So my head is still bobbing under water and I might still be pretending that I'm okay, but I am one step closer to reaching out and grabbing the life ring. This has been only the first step to making a change. Staying on the medication, working through the side effects... if I do that, then I can honestly say "I'm fine." and mean it.

This week brought to you by... The letter 'D'

*UPDATE: We added a Dragon fly and a Dragon to our letter after lunch.*

This week was a challenge for me. My artistic ability is limited and finding 'D' words that I had the capability of drawing... It was as I said a challenge. In the end I could not find a single picture of Brian and ended up cutting a few things from a magazine... I am sure it did not matter one bit to Grace, gluing a picture is gluing a picture.

Her favorite 'D' word this week is Dinosaur. She is now walking around *rawring* at Lily and proclaiming "I'm a dinosaur!" Her imagination is simply mind blowing lately! She plays pretends she has to navigate around dragons and crocodiles - Catches fairies, butterflies and hummingbirds - And has tea parties with her teddy bears and dolls - All with little more than an active and creative imagination.

So our words this week are Dinosaur, Dress, Dog, Duck, Dolphin. If I can find a picture of Dad, we'll add him this week.

What I have learned since becoming a Mom.

~I have learned to never travel without a change of clothes for my kids AND myself. 9 times out of 10 I will be carrying the clothes for no reason, but the 1 time I don't bring them... I'm gonna need 'em!


~I have learned that Puppy Pads are Mommy's Best Friend! They are the perfect on-the-go disposable changing pad. -- They save the day when the car seat is wet for whatever reason and the traveling is not done! -- They are a potty training mom's savior under the bed/crib sheet!! In short Puppy Pads ROCK!


~I have learned to always carry a wet wash cloth and ice cubes in a Ziploc in the diaper bag. You never know when you are going to need to clean a face, wipe off a skinned knee, cool an over heated child or soothe a teething baby with a cool wet cloth to suck on.

~I have learned that NO ONE else knows what's best for my children. There are a lot of opinions out there but no one cares about or knows my girls like I do.


~I have learned that as scary as the thought of traveling alone with small children might be, to JUST DO IT! It is always worth every tear, dirty look from fellow passengers, clumsy-loaded down-with-stuff-trek through the terminal or stressful moment in the end!


~I have learned to MAKE A MESS! Get down and dirty-- make messy art-- embrace body painting-- and glue-- get covered in chalk dust-- play in the mud- sand- or grass --It's more fun when it's messy and the aftermath is a great opportunity to teach a lesson in cleaning up after ourselves.

(okay, I have known how to make a mess for years, I didn't need kids for that!)

~I have learned to say "Rub some dirt on it!" Bumps, bruises, cuts, scrapes, falling down, falling off and all manner if "owies" are a normal part of growing up. Panic and over reaction do nothing productive.


~I have learned that if given the chance to stick up for themselves, little ones will. If you fight their battles, how will ever learn to fight their own?


~I have learned that idle toddler hands are the devil's workshop. With out creative outlet, direction and activity a bored, unattended toddler can and will get into just about anything especially if it's something they shouldn't.

~I have learned that is is really easy to yell but completely ineffective.

~I have learned to love playing imaginary anything... Crocodiles on the kitchen floor, Dinosaurs in the backyard, Tea parties with nothing more than a vivid imagination.


~I have learned that play dates are for the kids and not the Mommies. (and that not all Mommies agree with that statement)

~I have learned how important it is not to just spend time around your child, but really with them. Getting down on the floor and playing whatever 'they' want to play leads to a happy, healthy, imaginative, secure child full of self esteem and self worth.

When kids grow up, they will remember the time you were running around being
busy doing your own things while they watched cartoons, and they also will
remember the time that you set the whole living room up with fake trees and
blankets for a pretend camping trip.

I want mine to remember the carpet camp outs and slaying imaginary dragons...

~I have learned that being a Mom is the most rewarding and fulfilling job in the entire world. I'll take hugs, kisses and 'I love yous' over 9-5 and a paycheck every day of the week!

Pablo (Neruda)

Grace adopted her first pet today!

This is her cat (well her and Lily's) and she has decided to named him Pablo. We met Pablo on Sunday night and fell in love. He is a big bear of a black cat. Poor Pablo was abandoned by his owners left in their home in the heat with out food or water after his owners lost their home to foreclosure. He is about 3 years old and roughly 16 pounds. (yeah - He's huge!) Gentle as a rabbit and loves - loves - loves the girls. He is a motor boat with his purring and actually seems to enjoy Lily and Grace tugging on him.

Now... How do we tell Sami there is another cat in the house???

This week brought to you by... The letter 'C'

This week Grace and I found some stickers in our 'pile of stuff ' to beef up our letters. For the letter 'C' we glued on Cow, Compass, Corn, Camel, Cat, Cookie, Celery, California & Caterpillar one of our Cow stickers also has a Calf. We had a lot of fun today with the letter 'C'

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Pictures from Shelbi

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97 degrees

It was 97 degrees at 1pm (nap time) the girls and I enjoyed the best morning outside today. We filled the pool, pulled out the chaise lounges and all the toys - Turned the patio fans on and took the occasional respite in the cool - breezy - shade of the patio. We played, ran, splashed, laughed, sunned and thoroughly enjoyed being outside today. Now, we've been outside here and there this summer - We've had morning walks or trips to the pool - We've gone to the playground and taken evening strolls - But not in months have we spent 4 hours outside and lived to tell about it. I do not honestly recall thinking today "God it's hot out here!" or worrying about the kids playing in the heat. There are probably a number of things that happened while we were outside that I thought were great... My favorite however - the absolute maker of my day - was bringing all the lunch stuff out to the new bar, cranking up the grill, chopping, prepping and plating the food on the bar and sitting down, under the fans in the shade with my girls at the patio table and eating lunch and laughing. I cannot even tell you what was funny or why we laughed so hard, but we were outside we were together and we were having the best time. This fresh air morning is a luxury I do not take for granted living in the Valley of the Sun.

The pictures were just before nap time and after lunch. Grace thought it would be fun to run around in Mommy's hat and tried to get Lily in on the action. Lily did not find my hat amusing at all. In fact quite the opposite.

What a great day!

Something's fishy

Yesterday in a moment of what I though "Brilliance''...I decided that if Grace had fish she might not need a cat. I really do not want another cat and I don't have time for a dog just yet... So off the PetSmart we went....

I've had fish most of my life. My parents got the boys and I a tropical fish tank when we were kids and before that, thanks to Woolworth's, we'd had goldfish on numerous occasions. In all of my apartments I always had a small tank with either Goldfish or Betas; And more often than not my desk at work had a bowl with a Beta in it. Fish are reasonably low maintenance, don't cost a lot and well... They don't bite, or pee on the floor, or require walks and vets and blah- blah- blah. Like I said "a moment of brilliance" (Maybe not...)

On previous occasions I have done both, get the tank ahead of time, set it up, condition the water for a day or two, then get the fish. Other times I've set the tank up and added the fish the same day... Never had a problem before... Of course since I am getting the fish for my 2 year old. The little one that has never experienced death before and could not grasp the concept if I tried for days to explain it... So what happens? -- Within 12 hours of getting her her very first pets, we wake up to floating fish! Oy Vey! Grace handled it very well! She sort of pleaded for them to "Wake Up!" this morning and asked Tinkerbell (Oh, she named her goldfish Nemo & Tinkerbell) "What's wrong Tinkerbell? You Sleepy?" and she told me to "Shh, the fishies sleeping." It was a little heart wrenching.

After breakfast I quietly flushed Tinkerbell and Nemo. "In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sanct" (sign of the cross) Should I say an Our Father? It was awkward, I don't know why, maybe guilt over bringing death to my child so young? Maybe because I was doing this behind her back and she should be part of this? I've never given flushing a fish so much thought. Anyway, my great grandmother was a big fan of kids having pets and learning about death early. Trying to take a page from her book, I told Grace that Nemo and Tinkerbell died and that we would go get a new fish. No further explanation other than they were gone. So here is our new buddy (A beta) Caterpillar or Kai-Lan, Grace cannot seem to decide... Either way, here he is!



Caterpillar or Kai-Lan


This was Nemo


This was Tinkerbell

R.I.P. Tink & Nemo

10 months old on Friday

10 months old this week Lily is walking. Not all the time and only about 3/4 of the way across the living room at a stretch, but she is making steady progress towards walking all the time. She has mastered the skill of standing up from a seated position with out using anything other than brute strength.

She is not talking yet... Grace's first word was 'Duck' and she learned that at 9 months old, but Lily is pretty much ahead of Grace with every other skill. She is currently able to clap on command, give kisses, blow kisses, wave "Hi" and "Good-bye" when asked and she rubs her hands together like Dr Evil when Brian says "Dr. Evil". She knows to sit down when asked to do so and stand up when asked as well. Her new think is to grab onto the entertainment center and pull herself up and hang with her feet up off the ground. I think she must like this hanging sensation. She does it in the pool as well; Grabs onto the wall ands hangs there. I fully expect her to start doing chin ups in her crib and any moment.

She has graduated to the girls room but has not slept any better or longer. I can see her top, front, left tooth coming thru and the bottom gums are swollen on either side of her front teeth, so I keep telling myself it's teething... But I have this sinking feeling it is just they was my life is. It's okay, to be honest after 10 months of up every few hours, it seems normal. Now if the girls would sleep past 6 or 6:30am... That would thrill me!

Ten months old... It's going by so fast!

This week brought to you by... The letter 'B'

Well... yesterday was Monday again and with a new week brings a new letter. Week 2 and the letter 'B'. I was better prepared this week. I had already made the letter and glued it to the construction paper and I had already made our pictures. So when it came time for Grace and I to sit down and put our 'B" together all we needed to do was talk about what the pictures were and then Grace glued them to her letter.

This week our pictures are Bumble Bee, Beach Ball, Banana, Butterfly & Bat and, our letter is glued to Blue paper. It was really fun and Grace has strated to point out the letter 'A' in signs that she sees.

Now my only decision is to keep on with the entire 26 letter alphabet, or do A-B-C then 1-2-3 ... Decisions - decisions . I suppose I could do a letter and a number a week, but we'll see how the first few letters go. Again, at the very least we are having fun.

A LABOR (day weekend) OF LOVE

I have been trying to write this post for days but have had issues with my photos and adding them to the slide show. So I have been adding these photos once by one. Friday night we went to the pool as a family then came home ordered in pizza and then gathered in "the girls room" to put together Grace's BIG GIRL BED!!!

I was pretty excited and so was Brian but in the history of the world, I do not think anyone has ever been more excited than Grace. I couldn't tell though, was it excitement over the new bed? Or - Excitement over getting to help Daddy put the bed together?

Grace laid out all the pieces and the screws and the slats and the directions and got down and ready to build something with Daddy... So adorable! It was however - a constant barrage of ....."Here Daddy!"
Grace was pretty on top of holding the screws and waiting for Daddy to get them in place before handing him the next. But after about 10 minutes Grace started to loose a little of her patience and began handing screws willy nilly to Brian....
"Here Daddy! -- He's another one Daddy! -- You need another one Dad? -- I got it! - Here you go!"

Then she began with - "I can do it too! -- Watch me Daddy, I'm doin' it! -- See me?"

She was so into it that Lily's fussing in the crib, wanting to come out and get into everything - was annoying Grace so she felt compelled to bark a few times "STOP CRYING LILY!" But even that could not put a permanent damper on Grace's excitement.
So... Now the headboard and foot board are attached, the side rails still need to go on, but Grace is convinced that the bed is done! She crouched down on the floor next to it, puts her hands out and says

"Awwww- She's so cute! I love her!"
She was momentarily disappointed when Daddy told her the bed wasn't finished yet.


As a distraction during the last few steps of putting the bed together, I got the mattress ready and Grace and I got the sheets and the pillow set and that's about the time Grace decided that she should re-check the directions -- Just to be sure that Daddy was doing everything right. She sat there and in her own words told him what the directions said.



Grace got to tighten the very last screw and finish her Big Girl Bed...


Ta- Dah!

The New Bed

Lily Hogging Grace's New Bed!

"I LOVE MY NEW BED!"

G'Night - Sleep Tight - Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite!

(If they do - bite back!)

Size 4 and on the floor

Where to start - Big happenings around the Hurley house, well.. Big to me. Let's start with the Size 4's -- Lily is now in a size 4 diaper. I am sure you are asking yourself at this very moment "What's the big deal? So Lily is in a size 4 diaper - Whoop D Frickin' Do!" Here's the kicker. Lily is 9 months old - Grace who was 26-27 months old when she stopped wearing diapers was only in a size 3. The largest diaper Grace ever wore was a size 3 and Lily is in - what looks to me - Baby Huey diapers. She is by no means an over sized girl - In fact she is below average for her weight... I just found is surprising and noteworthy.

Now I did say size 4's - plural - Lily is also in a size 4 shoe. The same size shoe Grace was wearing 9 months ago when Lily was born. Grace is at the moment only a 5.5 -- My baby is going to be the 'big' sister in no time. Poor Lula has trouble with shoes though - Her chubby little foot has such a high and chubby arch that I can fit so few shoes on her foot. It breaks my heart since I am so enamored with shoes - [Yes, Shelbi was at one time a bit of a shoe horse, though people who are new in my life might think this a lie. I live in my Birkenstocks today but I was all about shoes BC (before children) ] -- I hope it is simply baby fat and she will not have this issue forever. For now Kelli is reaping the benefits of Grace's many pair of PediPeds, since Lily has out grown all but one pair.

But on to the biggest news of all. Thanks to Grammie, a small white Toddler Bed arrived at our front door yesterday. Not wanting to take the milestone of putting the bed together away from Brian, but so excited about the big step, the girls and I went about moving all the furniture around in Grace's room to finally accommodate both girls, a crib, bed, dresser, changing table and a few of their favorite play things. Lily has been residing in the guest room for the last several months in the hopes that she would start to sleep through the night - no such luck. But the holidays are coming and so are the guests, so I needed that room back.

Big changes - all in one night. We put Grace's mattress on the floor where her bed will be - We moved Lu from her crib (Thanks for the loan Kelli) into Grace's crib and changed the bumper and added new dust ruffle from Nonie so that the crib would be unique to Lily. We hung a picture of Grace and Rylan and another picture of Grace and Lily on the walls. We added a few more butterflies and we were set for our first bed time with Grace not in a crib and Lily in a crib in "The Girls Room". I figured if I was going to change things, why not change it all at once?

So back to a bedtime routine - I have strayed from that routine quite a bit since the arrival of Lily, but tonight I was turning over a new leaf. We walked, played hard at the playground, came home and straight to the bath tub. Bath - teeth - pj's - music - story - bed. Lula, decided this new plan was not for her. I attempted to put her to bed first and quietly finish with Grace but Lily SCREAMED the entire time I was with Grace. So, slight change of plan - Get Grace settled, then take Lu to the rocking chair. Grace kissed me G'night, promised not to get out of bed and said "Sweet Dreams" I took Lu to the rocking chair and I heard for the next 15 minutes the 'Girls Room' door open and close. I had placed the baby gate in front of the door so there was no escaping - Although I did still gate the top of the stairs in case G turned into Houdini. When I rounded the corner and Grace (standing in the doorway) saw me, she immediately proclaimed "I'm not out of bed!" I had to laugh and say "I can see you knucklehead!" I put both girls in bed, lay on the floor next to G and held her hand for about 5 minutes. (It was AWESOME!) Then kissed her G'night and reminded her to stay in bed and go to sleep... She did not move from that bed until 6 o'clock this morning! I am so proud of my big girl!

Lula on the other hand was up at 1am and then up for good at 5am...